2004-10-14 - 8:08 a.m.

The other day I needed to buy a bicycle pump. So I went to Wally (because we all go to Wally) where I found The Judge and The Jury. After getting past the fact that the Judge and the Jury were indeed for sale, I had to pick which one to buy. The Judge was cheaper. But the Jury had more baggage. I ended up with the judge, because he has final say. On a sidebar: tried to Google The Judge and The Jury. If you are ever bored, you would be amazed at the number of stories involving the words Judge and Bicycle Pumps. Some, you just don't want to know. Alright, what kind of coincidence is this? I just finished typing up a bit about the judge, then received a whole brochure in the mail concerning the judges up for election this year.

Casting Call: If anyone has any good sites concerning the electoral college, I would love for you to post them. I'm fixing to really go postal on an outdated system. Not that I voted for Gore......but I would love to feel my vote counts!

Poor Mr. Wonderful is home sick today. Can I get a collective Awwwwww? I think he's just looking for attention. I hate to tell him, but with all that snot pouring out of his nose, he's going to get it! That is NOT attractive. OK, maybe not the attention he wanted. Back to the collective Awwwwwww.

Entering a new blogEra. Pictures!! I'll be chilly and try not to go overboard. But now when I see something that just HAS to be shared, like......

Time to clean the gutters. (yes this is my house!) Mr. Wonderful says what a great idea for growing pot. No one would suspect. The way he is feeling today, pot might help. So, we will call this "Gutter Pot".

Low Point of the Moment: Isn't there always too much to do. It never seems to end.

High Point of the Moment: Finally getting some spring cleaning done around the house. You know it's getting bad when you don't remember decorating for Halloween, yet there's cobweb's everywhere.

2004-10-11 - 12:17 p.m.

Big Fat Test

2004-10-11 - 11:53 a.m.

Some more thirty year old wisdom for you:

-gardening gloves do NOT substitute for oven mitts
-boys pockets were meant for more than rocks......spiders, crickets and any other living creature pocket size
-bees live anywhere, including underground (and they don't like to be mowed over)
-bee stings hurt long after you get stung (kind of an addendum to the bees live anywhere)
-if one is going into anaphylactic shock, it would be wise for one to keep the correct medcine in stock. I am a dumbass, and God is merciful. The medicine I did have on hand worked.
-if one is looking for meaningful conversation between one's signifigant other and oneself....it will not happen until halftime. Then you have 20 minutes.
-if I were a kid, I would not want to play with my son. He is selfish. (ha ha who does he get that one from)

Low Point of the Moment: While in the end this will be positive, right now it hurts. We are really tightening the financial belt buckle and saving some serious money. It's hard when you really want to do something like say the Dixie Classic Fair, and can't.

High Point of the Moment: Actually getting some spring cleaning done on the house. Alike saving it's a slow bitter process, but well worth the effort.

2004-10-06 - 2:15 p.m.

LMAO

OK, in Social Studies we have been studying our land. Continent, Country, and State to name a few. Then we broke it down into City, Suburb, and Rural Community. Finally all we had to do was decide what we lived in. For anyone else, an easy task. Suburb: a community outside a city. Well, that's us......if you count Winston-Salem a city. Rural Community: people have more space in which to live; generally farms, ranches, and factories can be found nearby. OK, that is us too. With a cow on every corner should be our motto. So can we be both a suburb and a rural community? I choose to believe we just live in the surreal. Case in point, The Walkertown Tuesday News. This is a publication (and I do use the word publication lightly) about 4 pages long. Not A1-A4. Just 1, 2, 3, and 4.....including the ads. Page 1 stories include senior's who are finding companionship through Meals-on-Wheels, flag football for five year olds, and pet makeovers. Yes, that was pet makeovers. All of these nestled nicely nextto an Oliver North commentary on the Presidential Debates. It's called "Common Sense". **Pause for laughter** He uses to words pessimistic prognostications. **More Pause for laughter** Can we say spell checker?

On a side note, I don't hate republicans. But some people in general just ask for it. Myself for example. I can be a dumba**. Some days I just ask for it. But anyone who can't spell potato (even I know how to spell it), is really asking for it. While I am ranting here.....I am tired of hearing people tell me that they are voting for Kerry, just because he is not Bush. OK, cool, I can respect you don't like Bush. But then, if you don't like Kerry either...just don't vote! It's not like our vote really counts anymore. Thank you electoral college. Okay, it's time to wind this up when I can't even stick to one topic and it becomes random rantings.

Low Point of the Day: My son gets his 5 year booster shots this afternoon. He can be loud with out pain.

High Point of the Day: LMAO at the world around me today. Everything is just screaming to be made fun of. I'll pay for it later.

2004-10-04 - 3:31 p.m.

Spiderman, Spiderman, and yet....more Spiderman

Yes, I am describing the scene at my son's Fifth Birthday Party. For a boy that loves Spiderman, he has got it made. He now has Spiderman socks, Spiderman car, Spiderman motorcycle, Spiderman shooter, big three foot Spiderman, Spiderman sheets, and let's not forget two Spiderman costumes (one with muscles and one without). The whoppee cushion, while entertaining to Mom and Dad, got passed up for a lighting Power Rangers fan. The favorite was definitely the three foot plastic Spiderman. If you remember those My Buddy commercials from the 80's, that's what John is like with this thing. Spidey eats with us. Spidey gets tucked in with goodnight kisses. We had to wait for Spidey to pray last night. Yes, the boy adores his Spidey. Then, what has me squealing like Ed McMahon has come to the door....John's birthday buddy present came in the mail today. This has now become a time honored tradition. I am part of an October 1999 babies message board. Every year since our babies...were babies, we have been given secret birthday buddy. These are not revealed until the present arrives! Much fun, much excitement, much mess! It was a Spidey Shaker. You put the magic solution in the shaker. Shake it up. Then out pops a little figurine that needs to dry. After it dries, you can paint it. Very cool. Needless to say, we all had a wonderful Fifth Birthday! (Will try to post pictures, if I can figure it out)

Now one of my good friends owns a Jeep too. She is now ordained into the sisterhood of Jeeps. That's one friend down. Now about 20 to go.

This weeks history sentence, sung to the tune of Gilligan's Island:
During the Hundred Years' War, Joan of Arc and King Charles VII lead the French to defeat England at the Battle of Orleans. In the late 1340's, rats carrying the Plague killed one out of three Europeans.
Nev er in a million years, did I think I would be singing songs about rats and plague to the tune of Gilligans Island.

Low Point of the Days: Didn't have enough pizza to go around at the party. While I know it wasn't a buffet, I wanted to feed everyone.

High Point of the Days: Forgot to mention how great the Chris Rice concert was last Wednesday. Then there was laughing my butt off last night as I listened to the Aaron Carter version of "I Want Candy."

2004-10-01 - 10:57 p.m.

Back From Hiatus
Yes, I looked hiatus up in the dictionary. 2 points for me.

When the collective they say getting older is not for sissies....."they" are not kidding. Apparently the first thing to go is the hearing. But unlike other monkeys' in my family tree I'll admit it. The other night my friend turns to me and says, "Hey, I know Karate." "Did you just say you know Karate?" I ask. "No, you dork (OK she didn't call me a dork but I know she was thinking it), I said I have to go potty!" In my defense, the music was loud. Then there was the moment in Blockbuster where, just walking through, I hit my hand on a display. I didn't even think about it until I got home and saw I broke a blood vessel. Or rather, the fact that something blueish was in my hand that wasn't there before. And it hurt. Hurt like Hell. [On a sidebar: Rented Eternal Sunshine of the Empty Mind (whatever) tried to watch it twice now and have fallen asleep both times. This looks like it could be a good movie. Please let me know if this is worth keeping another week to try and watch without snoozing] Even my cat is getting old....or incredibly lazy. He won't even jump up onto a counter to get fresh meat. And this is the fat cat, so I know he's hurting. And my poor Grandmother...bless her heart. She is having older people issues. That's all I'll say about that.

Tonight is the eve of my son's fifth birthday. I have been too busy planning cake and ice cream for 20 to really sit back and reflect. Sure I have my moments through the day, when I sit back and think of how he has grown. Like when I am scooping HIS pee out of the cat liter for the hundreth time, because it's fun to watch it clump. Or like the times I have to buy an extra pound of meat because it's fun to make "Worm holes" through the plastic. I swear I am a walking ad for birth control. You want to nip teenage pregancy in the bud....have them go to Walmart with me and my son. After an hour of searching through clothes racks because you hear the giggling and just can't figure out what rack it is, they won't want any children. That's when you just start muttering, "Make t he laughing stop." And enter the men with the straight jackets.

Of course all this busting (busting is a word in the south) on my son...my daughter and nephew were the ones really having a time of it tonight. So I am in Walmart, as always because Walmart owns the world. My daughter is with me because we are going to pick out John's birthday gift. We are in the toy aisle, and who strolls up but my brother and nephew. Then my good friend and her son also join the picture because this is a small town Walmart. And everyone knows in a small town, Walmart is where you go on Friday night. So we come upon the perfect gift for my son. Yes, you got it, a self-inflating whoppee cushion! So the kids are on to this like white on rice (that's the expression, right?). So here we have three adults, talking, having a good time in Walmart on Friday night. Then three kids on the floor....sitting on whoppee cushions. Ladies and gentlemen, these are the moments great memories are made of. The best, and most proud moment, was when my nephew announced and I quote, "Hey, that wasn't the whoppee cushion!". I am going to use that line next time too, I promise you that. Standing in line somewhere. I'll just let one rip and look up and say, "Hey ,that wasn't a whoppee cushion!".

Low Points of the Week: Entirely too much on my plate when I can't even get on the computer to read my email!! The possum is making a liar out of me, alike any other "kid" in my life. Mr. Wodnerful just thinks I am making him up. And because of my Dad's treatment for Prostate Cancer, I will not be able to see him over the holiday's which sucks. [another sidenote: Dad has been diagnosed with prostate cancer. If you are going to get the news you have cancer, it's as good as it gets. They anticipate a full recovery.]

High Point of the Week: Tomorrow we celebrate my son turning 5!! I am finally back into a regular workout schedule. We are really doing well adjusting to our new homeschool schedule.

2004-09-22 - 2:54 p.m.

Tidbits

OK, I am neglecting again. But this time, alike Martha Stewart going to jail, it's a good thing. I have been busy schooling during the day, and my nights are for me. OK, that doesn't sound quite right. My nights are for working out. OK, that sounds just as bad. How about working out and lifeguarding. Yes. Better.

John passed the Mighty Bean. That's all I have to say about that.

How come everytime I vacuum I feel for sure this time, I have finally sucked up the cat? It's just hair!

Last night Mr. Wonderful and I attended a seminar that was fantabulous. The dude subscribes to a new way of thinking, but we like it. Fits our way of thinking just right....and just might work for our finances. You can check him out at Dave Ramsey.

And final tidbit, our homeschool group is going great. The curriculum is hysterical though. Classical Conversations has these history sentences that are set to music. They are so kooky, even I am learning history. How cool is that?

Sung to Three Blind MIce: In 800 AD, during the Medieval Period, Pope Leo the Third, crowned Charlemagne Holy Roman Emperor of Europe in 800 AD. In 800 AD.

They get better and better too. This weeks is set to the song Bare Necessities and tells about the Crusades. I am not even going into the one with the Gilligan's Island Theme. The best part about all this though, the kids are learning it too. It's infectious. Two thumbs up for Classical Conversations.

Low Point of the Week: Sick of mowing the lawn....come on Fall.

High Point of the Week: Saw the Steven Curtis Chapman today! While it was less concert and more talking, had fun.

2004-09-15 - 9:36 a.m.

Brain Damage and Concerts

This week Winston-Salem has become the mecca for Christian concerts. Um, mecca meaning two. Last night Mr. Wonderful, some friends, and I checked out Kutless. A highly recommend for those who like to rock. While Mr. Wonderful has many talents and gifts, dancing and moving to the beat is not one of them. I am pretty sure while busting his move last night he tapped into some sort of tribal rain dance....as it is raining...again...today. Today's concert is Avalon. A lot more subdued than Kutless, but a nice one to take the kids to. Although, the thought of a mosh pit at the mall today makes me laugh out loud. (For those not familiar: a good comparison would be a mosh pit at a Clay Aiken concert) OK now giggling at the picture of 100 people head banging to, "If I Was Invisible". OK, just giddy at the thought of getting out of the house!

We are all familiar with the Bill Cosby skit on brain damage and children. Mine are no exception. It has been even worse since the neuron sucking machine we call an X-Box has entered the scene. Monday was not sunny, but nice enough to kick them out to the back yard. They cried, they fussed, "No Mommy, please don't make us go outside! We'll clean our rooms! We'll fold laundry! Just not the out side!". What's wrong with me? What kind of mother forces her kids to play outside? Bad me! I choose to believe that my kids are just nerds versus being lazy. At least nerds will grow up and make some money so I don't have to worry about retirement.

Low Point of the Moment: To say I am PMS'ing hard is an understatement. Last night I cried because I have a zit. I cried because I loved that song. I cried because I remembered my youth. I cried because it was physically painful to jump up and down. I cried because our country is at war. I cried because I really wanted a doughnut. I cried because God was moving through the crowd. I cried. I cried a lot. But then five minutes later, I was happy a lot.

High Point of the Moment: Getting out of the house today. Feeling a bit of house madness, staying at home, schooling in the morning. Hey, I am getting dressed and brushing my teeth, could be worse.

**John has not passed the Mighty Bean. Pray it passes soon, I'm sick of this crap!

2004-09-13 - 8:36 a.m.

Damn you Mighty Beanz!

**If you are looking for a reason not to have kids, read on

So I am up late last night. Getting some computer time I haven't had in awhile. OK, I took a 3 hour siesta yesterday and couldn't sleep. I hear John choking and Mr. Wonderful is calling for me. I get to the bedroom and John is crying and coughing. After he calms down he tells me he lost his mighty bean. Ummmmm, "Do what?", as we say in the south. I knew he had taken appart his Mighty Beans, only to be delighted by the metal balls he found to play with inside. Yes, he is a boy. He loves to play with balls. Apparently, he had put one in his mouth before he fell asleep. I have been on the phone with the Dr's office and poison control and all is well for now. I felt like a bad bad Mom. But I get to make up for it over the next 3-7 days. Yup, you got it. I get poop patrol. Ugh, thank God they sell rubber gloves at the Dollar Store.

Low Point of the Day: Searching the web to try and find out exactly what IS IN a mighty bean? Any of my savvy web friends out there, please give this a try. We were trying to find out if they contain lead, but both myself and poison control couldn't find anything.

High Point of the Day: Woke up with my refreshed attitude towards my children.....and John is enjoying bragging about the ball in his tummy.

2004-09-12 - 11:29 p.m.

The underwear that entangles

What does one do, when one's panties get knotted up with one's daughter's swimsuit? Laugh. Sit down. Work on the knot for 35 minutes. Yup, 35 minutes. That's 1/2 hour of my life I will never get back.

This Scorpian thing with John has gone too far. He tells Mr. Wonderful and I yesterday that he is both John and Scorpian. So is this a split personality? Is this a Super-Hero complex? Or is this a clever scapegoat for pulling his sister's hair? Time will tell.

OK. Had one of those really painful God's growing me again moments. My daughter took a Math test Friday. Her first of the year. My daughter is a genius. I know I cannot be objective, but I CAN show you test scores. Well, in technical terms, she failed. More than half of the answers on the test were wrong. Red flags went up all over the place. I was forced to take a look at what I had let my life become this month. A circus. A calander filled with acrobatics, elephants, and clowns. The biggest illusion of all, myself as ringmaster controlling it all. Getting past the fact that I hate clowns, I had to see that my children were not being entertained. I had become so entranced by the pony rides, the bearded lady, and having everything in my circus. I forgot about what was really important. What's the point of having three rings, if you have no one to make smile. So I got my priorties straight and tomorrow I go into the aquatics director's office to tell her my kids education is more important than what I want right now. And it is. I feel it in my heart, and now that IS what I want. I'll still teach swim lessons and workout at night, but mornings are for my children's smiles.

Low Point of the Moment: I am not Wonder Woman and I cannot be. But as long as my kids see me as Wonder Woman, I'll be alright.

High Point of the Moment: I loaned my decrepit (hey looked it up in the dictionary woot woot for me) car to Opera Man....it's been a week, maybe he totaled it and doesn't want to tell me. I can only hope.

2004-09-08 - 3:54 p.m.

Slug

OK. I am a slug ignoring this page so long. Swim lessons officially started up and things have been busy as a carnival. OK, not ALL true. Labor Day weekend I pretty much had X-box butt. That's the tingling sensation one feels in the backseat because they have sat in one spot so long. So, I couldn't sit in front of the computer because my ass was numb. I know, pretty pathetic.

Today I went to the mall for another "mall concert". Pretty cool. While today's theatrics catered more to the easy listening crowd, the next couple concerts should be rocking. Oh, let me back up a bit. Our local Christian Radio station is celebrating their 10th anniversary. To celebrate they are hosting concerts at the local mall every Wednesday for the month of September. My husband is even taking off the 22nd to see Steven Curtis Chapman. Man, you can't beat free concerts. (OK free food at the free concert).

It had been awhile since I have been to the mall. I try to avoid it like the flu. Apparently now they have all sorts of kiddie rides. Just another thing to suck up my precious quarters. OK, when did I start sounding like Gollum over money. Not good. They did have these cool fish aquariums. I almost bought one against my better judgement. Then my better judgement kicked my impulsiveness to the curb, and all was cool.

My son has announced his new name is Scorpian. So from now on, call my son Scorpian.

Low Point of the Day: This morning's kickboxing was more like boot camp. If I wanted boot camp, I would go to my local recruiter's office.

High Point of the Day: Spending some quality time with my kidlet's at the mall (OK Abby you will not find kidlet in the dictionary, but I am starting a writing campaign for Websters to add it)

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